Hate This Place
by Devi and Tess
Summary: What will happen when Duo finds Heero with another man? Read and find out!


Hate This Place

by Eternally 1x2

and

Mystical1x2

Disclaimer: We don't own GW, never have and never will. We also don't own the song "Hate This Place"...that belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls.

Warnings: Yaoi, MAJOR ANGST, and death

***

__

Gone away

Who knows where you been

You take all your lies

And wish them all away

****

Duo's POV

I sit on the couch, my head propped up against my fist, as I watch Heero type away at that cursed laptop of his. Jeez, you'd think he wouldn't have a chance to survive if he was off that thing for one minute in the day. I watch his facial expressions as his gaze is locked on that glowing screen, his dark, handsome features illuminated by that bright green glow. You'd think the thing was human or something. My heart silently wished that he would pay at least a quarter of his attention to me as he did to that inaminate object.

I sigh. Yes, that is my pathetic life...lusting over a man who I know deep in my heart couldn't care for another living soul. If I know he couldn't, and in fact doesn't, care, why do I still love him?

The answer is simple. I've always loved him, and I know I always will. From the first time I laid eyes on him, I knew I was in love. True, I shot him...but it wasn't as if I had a choice. If he had killed that damn Peacecraft bitch, the war would be useless...there would be no chance for peace. And as much as I would have loved to see her die, I knew it couldn't happen. So I had no choice but to shoot Heero.

Hey, it's not like I had any regrets. It may in fact be the biggest regret I'll ever have. If I hadn't shot Heero, he might have shown me some sort of affection...that's how I truly feel. But now, he hates me. I can tell by the way he talks to me, his tone of voice...I'm nothing but a nuisance, and he wouldn't like anything better than to be rid of me.

__

I somehow doubt

We'll ever be the same

There's too much poison

And confusion on your face

We had been sharing this apartment for quite some time now. Neither of us really had anywhere to go after the war. Sure, I could have stayed with Hilde, but I decided against it -- especially when out of no where Heero proposed we rent an apartment together. That surprised the hell out of me, but as if I would turn down his offer. After all, this meant I could be near him nearly 24 hours a day. I sigh remembering the day he asked. He was so oblivious of my happiness...

He is my best friend, I have to admit that. However, I know almost nothing of him...he rarely talks to me. And I've noticed that for the past month he has gone out almost every night. Never once has he told me where he was going. Never once have I asked. I decided it wasn't any of my business, although my curiosity is beginning to get the best of me.

I shift uncomfotably in my seat as Heero shuts his laptop off. He stands up and stretches a bit (I have to remind myself not to drool as his iron muscles flex). Finally, he turns around and glares at me for a moment. It's hard for me to think of what to say as I gaze into those cobalt eyes. They're so beautiful...I almost wish I could see what he was thinking through those blue orbs.

Finally, I decide to break the silence...I was beginning to feel rather awkward. "All through on your computer, Hee-chan?" I ask trying to sound as cheerful as possible. 

He remains emotionless. "Hn," was his only response. He begins to cross the room over to the front door. Frantic, I jump up and rush to his side as he grabs for his jacket lying on a chair.

"Heero," I ask becoming brave and deciding to make his business mine, "where are you going?"

"Out." He replies. From there he gives me one last glance (I believe he could see the sorrow in my eyes because I almost saw a glint of emotion in his) and walks out the door.

I'm left in the front corridor, hurt and sorrowful. 

__

Can you feel it

I didn't mean it

Can I see you

What are we doin'

Shaking my head, trying to rid my thoughts of my true feelings, I decide to follow Heero. I was too curious...I had to know where he's been going every single night for a whole month. I may not know too much about Heero, but I do know that he is not one who is fond of going out and socializing with other members of the human race. So before I know it, my feet lead me in the direction Heero had headed only a few minutes earlier.

I saw Heero a short distance ahead of me. If I continued to stay this far, he most likely would not notice me. After all, I didn't want to anger him by being caught, did I? He would hate me even more if he found out I was invading his privacy...

I noticed Heero's pace slowed down as he neared one of the most popular nightclubs in town. Everybody went here...it was the place to be for singles and couples alike. My eyes widened as Heero went up to the entrance. I had to quickly hide behind a brick wall of a near alleyway as Heero turned around, more than likely looking to see if anybody noticed him. Then he turned back around and walked in. Quickly, I made my way down the rest of the block and hurried in.

It was so hard to see in this place. Smoke filled the air, both fake and real. Squinting, I looked around, trying to spot Heero. I wondered where he could be...

Then I saw him, sitting on one of the stools near the bar. He looked as if he were talking to somebody sitting next to him. Then I could have sworn my eyes deceived me as I saw Heero reach over and kiss whoever was next to him. However, it wasn't just a kiss...Heero was practically making out with the guy.

My heart broke right then and there. All hopes of having at least a small chance with Heero were shattered. Dejectedly, I turned to go, but stopped in my tracks as I spotted the familiar face of the man Heero was kissing. I could have sworn my heart stopped beating as I realized who it was.

__

I think I love you

But I ain't sayin' nothin' you don't know

Hold on dreamaway

You're my sweet charade

It couldn't have been him...no, it just couldn't have...

Wufei.

I thought Wufei was in the colonies. We were on Earth...there was no way.

I had to get a closer look. In order to do this, I had to weave my way through the writhing bodies on the dance floor. When I was close enough without being seen, my suspicions were confirmed. The man Heero was kissing was indeed Wufei. I could feel my body grow week with anger, with anguish...

As they kissed, Heero pulled the band from Wufei's hair and the raven black strands fell around his shoulders. Heero then proceeded to bury his hands in the loosened locks...the exact same act I had dreamt of him doing to me. My stomach churned. This was wrong...how could he love Wufei? Of all people...why Wufei?

"_Why not me_?" I whispered, turning away. I could watch no more. I knew now that Heero would never feel the same as I did for him. Not when he had Wufei...his lover. The words sounded bitter in my mind. Pushing my way back through the dancing couples, I left the nightclub. I ventured out into the lonely night, but stopped for a moment when I felt a strange sensation...there were tears in my eyes. 

Impossible.

Boys don't cry.

But I found it almost hopeless to prevent them from falling. Nevertheless, I mustered every bit of strength I had and did not cry. I couldn't. I know I'm stronger than that.

I continued down the dark and deserted street...alone. 

"_I love you, Heero_." I mumbled to myself finding myself moving farther and farther away from him... 

__

Take your time

Move yourself to me

Yeah I can take your lies

Until you fall away

Before I knew it, I had come back to the apartment complex. Although my brain didn't register at first where I was...I couldn't stop thinking about what I had just witnessed. I never thought in a million years that Heero would ever love somebody like Wufei -- the most uncaring, dispicable jerk in the world. But it was true, and I had my proof. Heero loved Wufei, and Wufei loved Heero by the looks of it. I loved Heero, but yet was unloved in return.

Unconsciously, I unlocked the gate that surrounded the patio where the apartment pool was located, and stepped inside. I usually came here when I wanted to do my deepest thinking...and now was a very appropriate time. It would take everything I had inside me to try to put this behind me, or try to fathom the idea. I had hoped deep in my heart that Heero did indeed love me...it had to be true, didn't it? I sighed deeply.

I took a lazy walk around the pool area, hating myself with each step I took. I was a fool...to think someone like Heero could ever love someone like me. It was nearly impossible...only in my wildest dreams would it happen. "_Give it up, Maxwell_," I told myself. "_It's useless. Heero's heart belongs to another man_."

Sighing yet again, I stopped and looked down into the pool. My reflection tauntingly looked back at me. It mocked me, telling me things I should have known all along, unconfirming my lies. I was disgusting, I could see that for myself. A street rat turned Gundam pilot who had no real family -- how could someone love me?

I continued my walk around, not taking notice to the wet pavement underneath my feet. I then let out a startled cry as I felt my feet slip out from under me. My last thoughts were of Heero as my head hit the side of the pool and I plunged beneath the surface.

__

You know I'm lost

Hiding in your bed

No I don't think it's wrong

It's just gone to my head

Can you feel it

****

Heero's POV

The kiss deepened. I could feel I needed a breath, so almost languidly (relishing the taste of his lips against mind), I parted from Wufei gasping for air. As I looked into his eyes, I thought how nice it was to be in love. Okay...it wasn't love. I didn't think so anyway. Of course, one who had gone through what I have in life wouldn't exactly know what love is. Doesn't matter though. I'm content...although I often wish for more...

Wufei and I had secretly been seeing each other for about a month now. We ran into one another one day and he ended up professing some sort of feelings for me...quite arrogantly, might I add, because of course I'm speaking of Wufei. Nevertheless, I accepted these new feelings quite readily. 

Wufei closed the distance between us once more, and I felt my hands approach the back of his head. I pulled his hair out of its usual ponytail...I loved to run my hands through his hair, and as my fingers did, my mind immediately flashed to Duo...I imagined what his hair would feel like. 

I tried to shove the thought from my mind. After all, I was now with Wufei. But there was something about my best friend...he confused me. And I didn't like being confused. But I felt something for him...something more than I did with Wufei. 

So why the hell was I sitting here kissing Wufei?

At that moment, I chose to open my eyes. With a quick side-glance, I noticed someone quite familar amongst the couples dancing. Even in the low lights and dense smoke, I could see him. He practically glowed with his radiant beauty. Duo. Duo was here. But why? And why was he watching us? Had he followed me? I remembered seeing the pain in his eyes as I left the apartment earlier. I was confused by it, but did not question him. Now he was standing on the dance floor with the most forlorn grimace I had ever seen. 

I wanted to pull away from Wufei...I had to talk to Duo. I didn't know what about, I just needed...I needed him. I surprised myself with this thought. I was beyond confusion at that point. Here I was...I thought I "loved" Wufei...but seeing Duo there...

Wait.

He was gone. I didn't see him leave. Perhaps it was a figment of my imagination...still, something didn't seem quite right. As Wufei pulled me even closer, a strange and foreboding feeling came over me.

__

I didn't mean it

Can I see you

What are we doin'

I think I love you

But I ain't sayin' nothin' I don't know

Silently, my mind screamed for me to stop, told me that this was wrong. I shouldn't be kissing Wufei, embracing Wufei...Duo should be the one in my arms. He should be the one I kissed passionately. This thing I had with Wufei, it was nothing more than a reassuarance that I could be loved. But it also might have been an unconscious attempt to spark some jealousy in Duo. I thought I might have been able to tell Duo's true feelings for me when he saw me and Wufei together. And I was right.

Scowling, I pushed Wufei away from me, seeing a look of confusion spread across the Chinese man's face. "Heero? What the fuck...?" he asked, wondering what was going on. Without a word, I jumped up and raced out of the nightclub, hoping it wouldn't be too late. I had to talk to Duo, had to tell him how I felt. He had to know.

As I walked down the dark streets, a sharp pain grew in my stomach, and got steadily worse with each step I took. Why did I have such a bad feeling about something? I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but something had happened...and my heart told me I needed to get home as soon as possible.

Not even thinking about it, my pace picked up, and I soon found myself running the few blocks to the apartment complex. As I reached it, I saw that the gate to the patio was wide open. Nobody went swimming at this time of night. Feeling queasy, I went to shut the gate, but my instincts told me I needed to go inside. Stepping in, I gazed down into the pool, and what I saw made my breath hitch.

A body was on the bottom of the pool, and whoever it was had a very familiar braid...

__

Hold on dreamaway

You're my sweet charade

Hey whatcha do to me

Would you come back to me

Yeah I can't do another day

I'm not certain of it anyway

That braid could only belong to one person.

Duo.

I stood at the edge of the pool for a moment aghast. His body bobbed in the rippling water comingling with swirling red streaks -- none other than blood of course.

I couldn't quite comprehend the scene for a few moments; my mind was unable to understand that there was indeed a person lying face down in that water...that person was not moving. I have seen so much death in my life, but none other had ever struck me as hard than when I realized that Duo was the man in that water. Dead. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was a chance he was alive...

So why was I standing there? My body was frozen. Finally, my brain and heart screaming at me, my legs moved and I jumped into the pool. Not even bothering to make a breath, I plunged beneath the surface and pulled the lifeless body to the air. My stomach twisted in knots when I finally able to see his face. I was correct...it was Duo, of course I had known that from the start. And my hope that he was alive was shot down when I felt for a pulse. There was a none. From his head there was a deep gash obviously caused by a severe blow. Blood trickled from this wound profusely...

Floating in the water, I pulled his body close to mine. A deep sense of guilt overcame me. If I had stayed home this evening he'd still be alive. It was my fault.

__

I'm not messin' with another life

Can I get on without you

Tell me lies

That you

Know I need

Hold on dreamaway

You're my sweet charade

Hold on dreamaway

Hold on dreamaway

I felt the corners of my eyes prick with a sudden sting, something I was all too unfamiliar with. Were they tears? Was I about to cry for Duo, for the death I could have prevented? I shook my head, denying my feelings as I had done for so long.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the tears. They started to flow down my cheeks as I hugged Duo's immobile body against my chest. Wailing, I stroked his hair, and was mortified as my hands were soon covered with the blood of the man I secretly loved.

I cursed myself. Why the hell did I keep my love and passion for him a secret? Maybe if he had known, he would have been happy, and not miserable as I know now in my heart he had been. I knew he loved me -- there was no doubt in my mind about Duo's feelings toward me. So why had I kept my mouth shut?

Sobbing louder, I continued to hold Duo close to me. I was totally to blame for this. It's all my fault. And unlike a harsh word or action toward Duo, I couldn't take it back.

Never could take it back.

All my fault.

***

Comments? Criticism? We wanna know what you think! ~Eternally 1x2 and Mystical1x2


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